mallt | Why have a blog? (Reply)

Reading all that has gone on both here amongst my friends blogs & in a public forum most of us subscribe to has made me want to hiss, spit, made my hackles go up & my tail go all bushy...

Anyway... once I settled down & got my fur back in order I was left with the question...

Why do I have a blog?

Well this blogging thing is a very new thing for me & I didn't call it “scrawlings & scratchings, murmurings and mumblings, the outpourings of the inept” for nothing... I saw this as a place where I could put down my thoughts, what’s going on in my life, little bits & pieces that I found interesting... which lead me to the next question...

Why have a blog rather than a journal?

This was a little more difficult to answer...

Some of the people I’ve included as friends on LJ know me better than others, the ones who know me well also know that this past year has been a difficult one. Getting through this has given me a better understanding of the value of friendship & the need for having a circle of friends. Now you’d think that at my age I’d have figured this out a long time ago... so a bit of history. I’ve always been the type of person who had one or two very close friends, the type you can tell anything, & then a circle of acquaintances who I was friendly enough with but could take or leave. I was the girl who would be friendly with everyone, even the unpopular girls, the “go between” amongst the different groups but belonging to none.

Coming to Canada meant leaving my closest friends behind & I didn’t find that “talk about anything” person here. Again I had lots of work colleagues, people I’d hang out with. I came close to... no that’s not true, I did finally find that person, a person I could share everything with, all my innermost thoughts, hopes, dreams, the soul mate that everyone hopes they will find, but circumstances were such that it was not to last. During this & the subsequent time afterwards I came to realize that maybe I didn’t have one friend I could outpour everything to but I did have friends who were there, who were willing to listen, who would give me support, advice but most importantly would stand by me whatever choices I made as long as the choices I made make me happy... yes I came to realize that I had a circle of close friends... yes I still has the circle of acquaintances but now some of that circle has crossed the gap & moved in closer & it seems that number crossing is increasing all the time... I also came to realize that the circle of acquaintances was more important than I ever realized, not people to take or leave, but a group of people from which true friends could materialize.

But what does that have to do with having a blog?

Well the person who only had one or two close friends was a very closed person who didn’t share anything with most people. I never really understood why it was that I was such a closed person, unwilling to show my emotions to anyone, even my partner, letting only a very few select see me & then only occasionally... but there again I never really thought about it... that was just me... who I am... but talking to my closest friend, by “big sis” back home I realized that, although we are very different people we both have had this same closed attitude... she’s currently working though getting all her qualifications as a therapist & during the course of her studies came to realize where this closed attitude may have come from.

My big sis & I met, back when we were both 12, the first night I spent at boarding school, in the common room dressed in our PJs & we’ve been friends ever since... we’ve had ups & downs but what siblings don’t?! My big sis thinks that it’s our life in boarding school that has contributed to our closed attitude where emotions are concerned. Some people don’t mind, others positively thrive on people knowing their every emotional state... we’re not like that & when you live with over 50 other girls, in close quarters, 24/7, for weeks at a time it’s not surprising that you learn to hide the emotions you don’t want to share... can we say bottled up?!

Now I’m not saying that I want to share everything with everyone... I’ll never be that type of person... but I have learnt, the hard way of course, that bottling stuff up is not the way to go... which finally brings me to the answer to my questions... I have a blog because I want to share my thoughts, what’s going on in my life, little bits & pieces that I found interesting with the people who have become important in my life. Yes there will be some things that I will still write in a journal rather than on here but this is my way of opening up & learning not to bottle... it’s a start.

So I’d like to say thank you to those who have stepped from the acquaintance circle & joined the friend circle, I have appreciated all the help & support you’ve given me. I also appreciate those in my acquaintance circle, not everyone can be or necessarily wants to be a close friend of everyone else. There is a place for people to simply be on good terms with one another, enjoy their company without the need to pour out each others innermost thoughts.

Which brings me to a final question...

Do I lock my postings or not?

No. Why? Because if there is something I want to write that is private enough for me to lock then the likelihood is that I will share it in person to the select few I feel happy divulging it to. I write on here to share my life with my friends & acquaintances, there are many on this forum or have yet to stumble onto this forum, that I have not added to my friends list & I do not wish to exclude them simply because I don’t know their LJ names. Plus who knows what other likeminded people a person can meet... how does the saying go? There are no strangers, only friends we have not yet met?