... because they've been pretty uninspiring... but this one made me smile...

(845):  I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.



(905): when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
(630): I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you were trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
(505): Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
(573): I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.

Couldn't choose between this:

(773): I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.



(716): holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
(1-716): How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'

Runners up:

(912): just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart


(314): doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
(504): I'm out of practice. be my yoda
(314): put your penis in her you must.


(818): Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
(1-818): Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My favourite from today:

(541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
(508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
(1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.


Lisa Clark

January 2015

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