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One of the best I've read in a while...

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her Parent’s nasty divorce.  


Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!


A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused.  "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding."



He didn't like the casserole

And he didn't like my cake.

He said my biscuits were too hard...

Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right

He didn't like the stew,

I didn't mend his socks

The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer

I was looking for a clue.

Then I turned around and smacked the shit out of him...

Like his mother used to do.




After flipping his hydrofoil, Jesus quickly leaves the scene before his Father finds out! 


Aug. 5th, 2008 07:27 pm
..........mmmmmmmmmmm brains..........

Why men don't write advice columns...

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my
husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a
mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a

I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't
believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady making mad
passionate love to her.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years.
When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back
yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her
unconscious. He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed
and began CPR.

When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he
was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why
neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd
been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I
would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says
he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him
very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become
increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?
Mrs. Sheila Usk

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no
debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding
the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches
solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty,
causing low delivery pressure to the fuel injection system.

I hope this helps.


Lisa Clark

January 2015

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